A lot to think about, so I will just jump in somewhere. I think this is an answer to both 3 and 4.
Interestingly, "pondering our past journey and visualizing in our imagination the people who contributed, perhaps even subconsciously, to our present level of being" feels exactly like what I routinely do. I don't think I have always been doing that, at least not to this level, so I must have taught it to myself / developed it over the years. I think part of that was losing my father when I was 12, after that I did many years of ever deeper introspection, both to better understand myself and the world around me and to unwind, process, and comprehend the many emotions and feelings of that loss, which got all tangled up in my personal growing up and finding my place in the world process. In a way, that level of introspection, understanding, and feeling grateful for everyone and everything (including, which might sound odd, the terrible loss itself) for shaping me and becoming a part of who I am. As a writer, I have been utterly fascinated by the butterfly effect, and have pondered and written many times about how little control we have over our lives and everything we hold dear (in fact, it's one of the central themes of the novel I have been writing). So to answer your question "How do we properly value the totality of others’ contributions on us and our contributions on others, in practice?", I think the first step is to understand and grasp others' contributiond yourself. These big gestures of gratitude that strive to come close to the level of thanks people in your life are owed will never feel like enough I think, besides, as you write, how people usually can't deal with it. What works better, I have come to find, and manages to sneakily slip past our rational minds who think we do not deserve to be thanked or that it is not such a big deal, is to let people know they matter through many smaller acts of kindness, gratitude, and support, over and over again. After enough time has passed, they'll feel how much you value them. They'll 'know'.
Hahaha. I really like the plant metaphor, I myself have thought of this: some people are like lush trees, others like cacti
Lol@rebel plants.
One thing to think of is to not feel of giving and receiving in terms of separation of you and I, thereby removing the concept of guilt. If you have faith and confidence in your place in the ecosystem of things then naturally these things flow between each other. Ie If someone waters you that may be in their natural path, and there is no actual prerogative to have to show gratitude or reciprocate, or watering something that doesn't need to be watered. By engaging with your presence you are already contributing. And when you have the chance of watering you will again naturally do so. Hence animals and plants all contribute to life without ever intentionally striving to do anything.
6. When we wish to give back to our sources of inspiration, what do we do with our supply of water if we aren’t sure they would welcome our purpose (or our vision of the world, of idealism, of humanity)?
I think finding the right environment for your supply of water to nourish and help others thrive plays a huge role. Going along with your cactus example, it would not make sense to go to a desert and pour water on the cacti there. They were adapted to a very dry environment, and the abundance of water would kill them. Although if we're open to the idea of people and societies changing slowly over time, feeding the cactus just enough water and nourishing other plants in the desert that could benefit from a little more water could create an ecosystem overall more receptive to water, over the span of decades / centuries. This makes me think that change happens slowly and requires finding the right environment and peers to work together to make it happen.
5. Case B (peers): How do you navigate between material and immaterial types of giving and receiving? What has your experience been like, on either end?
4. Case A (elders): How does one “value” such a foundation? How does one properly give back? What has your experience been like? And whereby your former teachers — not necessarily in the academic sense — are no longer alive, what do you do?
This is a really thought-provoking question, I like it. I think in the case of elders/ parents/ teachers, making sure I actually spent time keeping in touch, even if infrequently. I have threads connecting me to all the people who have helped me grow, and ideally I don't sever all those ties (although I'm admittedly still working on being better at keeping in touch).
I'm not sure how to honor people properly when they're no longer alive. I wish I had a better answer there.
I think Jen's point about paying it forward is also really important.
I think "teachers" don't necessarily need something back, but feel the most fulfilled when they see you paying it forward. They believe in what they teach, and to see their teachings inspire others beyond just you is, I think, what they hope their long-term impact is. I always tell people about the piano teachers, history teachers, wise mentors I've had in my life and how much they've shaped my thinking and who I am as a person. The teachers I stay in touch with, I regularly let them know how I feel. But also, I think they're just thrilled to see me thrive - it's validation that they did their job well.
3. Universal dilemma: how do we properly value the totality of others’ contributions on us and our contributions on others, in practice? How do we practice gratitude mindfully yet exhaustively, while not exhausting the other party/parties with the discomfort they might feel in receiving such gratitude (whatever form it takes)?
I'm thinking of the "tomb-sweeping" ritual common in Chinese culture. In the spring, my family visits my maternal grandmother's grave and brings a HUGE feast: a whole roasted pig, sweet rice cakes, buns, and the list goes on. In addition, we light incense and bow to pay our respects, and also burn paper money and other things (e.g. a paper car lol) to ensure my Po Po has what she needs to be comfortable in the afterlife. Reflecting on this ritual now, it's touching to believe that we can interact with our deceased relatives in the most normal ways - eating, giving each other money and presents, spending time together - and the only thing that separates us is simply the line between our mortal world and the afterlife.
This is less of a formal ritual, but it's a practice that my mother has encouraged, which is paying for my guests' bills at a birthday meal. According to this practice, the point of a birthday is to celebrate your own existence by honoring the people that have contributed to making your life joyful. It shows that we value our guests for the conversations, characters, and intangible experiences they have to offer, not whether they can afford a meal or not.
One ritual I'm trying to engage in more is wearing really witchy clothing and being more intentional about my style. I tend to wear random t-shirts and shorts/ pants to work, but I've found that I'm a lot happier when I've put some intentionality into what I wear!
1. To make it easy for all to respond to the questions in this essay, I’m creating separate threads for each. The first one is, “What is water in the garden of your intellectual desires and needs?”
7. What is your life purpose? What kind of plant do you embody?
Hahaha if only I knew, would make me a lot less angsty :P
I think some directions for myself are:
1. Treat my family well and have good relationships (still working on this)
2. Produce excellent, impactful work
A lot to think about, so I will just jump in somewhere. I think this is an answer to both 3 and 4.
Interestingly, "pondering our past journey and visualizing in our imagination the people who contributed, perhaps even subconsciously, to our present level of being" feels exactly like what I routinely do. I don't think I have always been doing that, at least not to this level, so I must have taught it to myself / developed it over the years. I think part of that was losing my father when I was 12, after that I did many years of ever deeper introspection, both to better understand myself and the world around me and to unwind, process, and comprehend the many emotions and feelings of that loss, which got all tangled up in my personal growing up and finding my place in the world process. In a way, that level of introspection, understanding, and feeling grateful for everyone and everything (including, which might sound odd, the terrible loss itself) for shaping me and becoming a part of who I am. As a writer, I have been utterly fascinated by the butterfly effect, and have pondered and written many times about how little control we have over our lives and everything we hold dear (in fact, it's one of the central themes of the novel I have been writing). So to answer your question "How do we properly value the totality of others’ contributions on us and our contributions on others, in practice?", I think the first step is to understand and grasp others' contributiond yourself. These big gestures of gratitude that strive to come close to the level of thanks people in your life are owed will never feel like enough I think, besides, as you write, how people usually can't deal with it. What works better, I have come to find, and manages to sneakily slip past our rational minds who think we do not deserve to be thanked or that it is not such a big deal, is to let people know they matter through many smaller acts of kindness, gratitude, and support, over and over again. After enough time has passed, they'll feel how much you value them. They'll 'know'.
Hahaha. I really like the plant metaphor, I myself have thought of this: some people are like lush trees, others like cacti
Lol@rebel plants.
One thing to think of is to not feel of giving and receiving in terms of separation of you and I, thereby removing the concept of guilt. If you have faith and confidence in your place in the ecosystem of things then naturally these things flow between each other. Ie If someone waters you that may be in their natural path, and there is no actual prerogative to have to show gratitude or reciprocate, or watering something that doesn't need to be watered. By engaging with your presence you are already contributing. And when you have the chance of watering you will again naturally do so. Hence animals and plants all contribute to life without ever intentionally striving to do anything.
6. When we wish to give back to our sources of inspiration, what do we do with our supply of water if we aren’t sure they would welcome our purpose (or our vision of the world, of idealism, of humanity)?
I think finding the right environment for your supply of water to nourish and help others thrive plays a huge role. Going along with your cactus example, it would not make sense to go to a desert and pour water on the cacti there. They were adapted to a very dry environment, and the abundance of water would kill them. Although if we're open to the idea of people and societies changing slowly over time, feeding the cactus just enough water and nourishing other plants in the desert that could benefit from a little more water could create an ecosystem overall more receptive to water, over the span of decades / centuries. This makes me think that change happens slowly and requires finding the right environment and peers to work together to make it happen.
5. Case B (peers): How do you navigate between material and immaterial types of giving and receiving? What has your experience been like, on either end?
4. Case A (elders): How does one “value” such a foundation? How does one properly give back? What has your experience been like? And whereby your former teachers — not necessarily in the academic sense — are no longer alive, what do you do?
This is a really thought-provoking question, I like it. I think in the case of elders/ parents/ teachers, making sure I actually spent time keeping in touch, even if infrequently. I have threads connecting me to all the people who have helped me grow, and ideally I don't sever all those ties (although I'm admittedly still working on being better at keeping in touch).
I'm not sure how to honor people properly when they're no longer alive. I wish I had a better answer there.
I think Jen's point about paying it forward is also really important.
I think "teachers" don't necessarily need something back, but feel the most fulfilled when they see you paying it forward. They believe in what they teach, and to see their teachings inspire others beyond just you is, I think, what they hope their long-term impact is. I always tell people about the piano teachers, history teachers, wise mentors I've had in my life and how much they've shaped my thinking and who I am as a person. The teachers I stay in touch with, I regularly let them know how I feel. But also, I think they're just thrilled to see me thrive - it's validation that they did their job well.
3. Universal dilemma: how do we properly value the totality of others’ contributions on us and our contributions on others, in practice? How do we practice gratitude mindfully yet exhaustively, while not exhausting the other party/parties with the discomfort they might feel in receiving such gratitude (whatever form it takes)?
2. Fun question: what rituals do you engage in?
I'm thinking of the "tomb-sweeping" ritual common in Chinese culture. In the spring, my family visits my maternal grandmother's grave and brings a HUGE feast: a whole roasted pig, sweet rice cakes, buns, and the list goes on. In addition, we light incense and bow to pay our respects, and also burn paper money and other things (e.g. a paper car lol) to ensure my Po Po has what she needs to be comfortable in the afterlife. Reflecting on this ritual now, it's touching to believe that we can interact with our deceased relatives in the most normal ways - eating, giving each other money and presents, spending time together - and the only thing that separates us is simply the line between our mortal world and the afterlife.
This is less of a formal ritual, but it's a practice that my mother has encouraged, which is paying for my guests' bills at a birthday meal. According to this practice, the point of a birthday is to celebrate your own existence by honoring the people that have contributed to making your life joyful. It shows that we value our guests for the conversations, characters, and intangible experiences they have to offer, not whether they can afford a meal or not.
One ritual I'm trying to engage in more is wearing really witchy clothing and being more intentional about my style. I tend to wear random t-shirts and shorts/ pants to work, but I've found that I'm a lot happier when I've put some intentionality into what I wear!
1. To make it easy for all to respond to the questions in this essay, I’m creating separate threads for each. The first one is, “What is water in the garden of your intellectual desires and needs?”